Unforwarded chain mail ghosts continue to wreak havoc

Bloody Mary, Slenderman, Jeff the Killer and other famous internet ghosts possess students
By Sonam Kaloti, Arts Editor

“If I had known it would save me all the nightmares, I definitely would have forwarded that stupid email to ten people.”

The Chain Mail Ghost epidemic has thrown the world into chaos due to both fear and cluttered inboxes. These emails would rest in the spam inboxes of Canadians for years with zero expectation of retaliation. However, despite having more than enough time on hand due to COVID-19, Canadians have still been reluctant to share these chain emails. Due to this, the chain mail ghosts are at their wits end.

Retaliation began October 31, having been the easiest day for ghosts to pass through world portals. The Other Press had a Zoom call interview with Joo-Lee Demetrius, a second-year psychology student at Douglas College, on her experience on October 31.

“The ghosts were everywhere,” Demetrius recounts, “I saw them wandering the streets. Though, it wasn’t just ghosts. All types of horror monsters that get emailed around—you know, Slenderman, Jeff the Killer,” Demetrius stopped talking as she shuddered.

Another Douglas student went through events similar to Demetrius’ just last week. The Other Press interviewed Ollivano Jayla, a first-year Music Diploma student, over Zoom on his spooky situation. While walking home on the evening of November 9, Jayla came face-to-face with Samara from The Ring movie franchise.

“She exuded an aura of just… pure evil,” Jayla said, “She chased me almost all the way home. If I had known it would save me all the nightmares, I definitely would have forwarded that stupid email to ten people.”

In order to get the other side of the story, the Other Press went through great lengths to get an exclusive interview with the Soul Stealing ghost. Due to COVID-19, the Soul Stealer wasn’t keen on meeting up in person, so the interview was held through a static TV channel.

“We’re very grateful for this interview, thank you for joining us. Is there a name we can call you by?” asked the Other Press.

“Just Soul Stealing ghost or Soul Stealer is fine, thanks. My close friends call me Robby J—short for Robber Junior, after my late father,” Soul Stealer began, “but yeah, anything kind of sinister works for me.”

“Great. So, there’s been a lot of misunderstanding between humans and chain mail ghosts lately. How do you feel about this situation overall?” the Other Press asked.

“Honestly, I feel for both sides, you know? I can see why the humans are uncomfortable. Everything is happening at once, so I can definitely empathize. Getting used to drastic change so quickly is always going to be hard,” Soul Stealer cut off for a few minutes, so the Other Press tried turning the TV off and on again.

“Ah okay, there we go,” Soul Stealer continued, “As I was saying, I can see where the humans are coming from, but it seems like none of that empathy is reciprocated, you know? Us chain mail ghosts have been ignored for decades! I don’t want to go on an emotional tangent or anything but just imagine what it’s like to not be given any attention in years. It’s some deep stuff, man.”

The Other Press followed with the question, “What do you propose we all could do to make the change easier for both sides?”

Soul Stealer replied, “I think, simply put, we all just need to be a little more patient with each other. My personal message to both humans and ghosts alike is this: the tides are turning, and the world is changing—if we don’t want to get caught in the wave, we have to step up.”