BREAKING: Canada post election

Many scared, confused

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

These past months of Canadian electoral campaigning have seen their fair share of promises, pledges, and calls for change.

The cry for change was so loud, in fact, that Canadians nationwide elected out the old Conservative government and ushered in a new Liberal majority, defeating ex-prime minister and Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper by quite the margin.

With a majority government, newly-elected Prime Minister Justin Trudeau should have no problem passing laws through government to give Canadians the change they were promised.

Yet, many Canadians are finding a Liberally-run Canada much the same as the old one.

“I didn’t vote to get Harper out just to see Canada stay the way it was,” said concerned student, John Mulner. “Yet that’s what we have today. I look out my window; it’s the same view. The names of the streets are still the same. Hell, even the mountains on the horizon look unchanged. What gives, Justin?”

The situation is especially dire for Vancouverite Thom Moffat, who was banking on Trudeau holding to his promise of legalizing marijuana once elected.

“I’m freaking out, man,” Moffat said. “I told my dealer I didn’t need him any more. It was heartbreaking. I mean, yeah, I miss him, I miss him more than I thought possible, but it’s just not something you can go back to, you know? There’s just some sparks you can’t reignite, no matter how brightly they once burned…” Unfortunately for Moffat, Trudeau’s Liberal government has yet to make good on any of their election promises.

“It’s been like, a whole week,” Moffat said. “You would think he would have done something big by now. Maybe we should have voted in that beardy guy. I liked his smile—it was just like my old weed dealer’s.”

Moffat has enough of his stash left to last him the next few weeks if he rations it, but if Trudeau doesn’t act quickly, Moffat worries he may be left sober and helpless, betrayed by the very government he voted into power.

The country remains restless, and it appears the higher-ups may have left the common folk out to dry.

One can only hope that the politicians will be able to evaluate, write, discuss, vote on, and pass through some legislation over the next few weeks, or Canada may very well decide it is time for some change once again.