Hollywood to create male reboot

Photo illustration
Photo illustration

‘Groomsmaids’ to be a big hit this Christmas

By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor

Just when you though Hollywood had run out of ideas, the genius writers over in L.A. have come up with their greatest idea yet: A male reboot of the hit movie Bridesmaids.

Casting has just gotten underway, though rumoured to be on the list of hopefuls are Shia Labeouf, Johnny Depp, Adam Sandler, and the hologram of Tupac Shakur. This film is attracting the attention of Hollywood’s A-list, and everyone is trying to get in on a piece of the action.

We talked to writer and director Jeremy Banks about the minds behind this new movie marvel. “Yeah, it’s an obvious cash grab. Look, Bridesmaids did so well, we figured hey, there’s some more money to be made here. Practically every woman and their dog went out to see Bridesmaids, they’ll come out to see it again. Only this time, we’ll get the men to go see it too. Then you’ve got literally everybody. What could go wrong?”

The male population is ecstatic over the newly announced movie, though none more so than Steve Prior: “I am so excited. I heard that Bridesmaids was absolutely hilarious, but I couldn’t watch it because, you know, it’s a chick flick. There’s only girls in it. I can’t watch movies featuring strong female leads or I start to question my own masculinity, obviously. But now that it’s all dudes, I can go watch it with my bros!”

Groomsmaids Is set to hit theaters this Christmas, and though production is just getting started, Banks assures us that it will be ready by December 25: “It’s a reboot. We honestly use the same script, and just change the names and a few pronouns. That’s it. Hell, half the movie has already been shot.” Banks explained that Christmas is an important opening date, as the reboot appeals to all genders. “It’s gonna be that movie that neither of you really wants to see, but not the movie that either one of you really doesn’t want to see. It’s the Lay’s original of movies. Our money comes from bitter compromise.”

With this being the first time an all-female-lead movie has been rebooted with a male cast, an obvious response has erupted over the internet from women: “I don’t really get what we should be mad about. It’s just a dumb movie,” said keyboard warrior Janet Bluff. “No one’s even going to go see it. It’s a reboot. I mean I loved Bridesmaids, but it’s not as if this completely separate movie is going to affect or ‘ruin’ it in anyway. That’s just dumb.”