Cheater found guilty of not playing by the rules
By Chandler Walter, Distribution Manager
Late last Friday night, police officers responded to what they believed to be an average noise complaint in Port Coquitlam. They were shocked to find that there were only two people involved, though they could be heard from down the street.
“I have never heard anything like it,” Sergeant Eric Vernes told the Other Press during an interview shortly after the ordeal. “That woman, I never knew a human could make such noises.”
The woman in question was Laura Pinwoodle, who had been shouting so loudly at her boyfriend that it forced the neighbours to dial 911. They were afraid that there might soon have been a homicide on their otherwise quiet street.
Pinwoodle had caught her boyfriend (who asked to remain anonymous) cheating, and though there were no physical altercations, Pinwoodle stated that she wished that were not the case.
“I just can’t believe he could do this to me,” she told the Other Press later that night, while sitting on the curb outside her house, wrapped in a blanket and drinking a cup of tea provided by the officers. “Board games are what brought us together, and when I saw him take that extra card—when I saw that [expletive] cheat like that, it’s like I didn’t even know who he was anymore.”
The officers made sure to do a sweep of the house, discovering missing victory cards in Settlers of Catan and weighted dice in Monopoly. It turns out Pinwoodle’s now-ex-boyfriend had been cheating for the entirety of their relationship.
“You really believe you know someone, ya know? You truly believe that they are a capable Rummy player, and then just like that, they’re dead to you. I was so stupid. I don’t know how I ever loved him.”
We managed to get a statement from the male culprit shortly before he was wrestled into the back of the cop car, arrested for fraudulent behaviour.
“I just had to do it, you gotta believe me. She’s just too good at board games! There’s no beating her, I had no other choice!” A sad excuse, for a sorry fragment of a man.
Pinwoodle is planning on recovering from this ordeal at her mother’s house, and her ex will be facing 25 to life: a true example of our justice system doing what it’s meant to do.