All achievable, all to create a better you!
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
One month of university finished, seven more to go. At this point, you freshmen are just figuring out how to warm up your breakfast pizza, how to shotgun beers without spraying yourself in the face, and exactly how long you can sleep in until it’s too late to catch the bus.
I feel for you, so I offer a simple guide to keep your physique in tip-top shape as you propel yourself through the terrifying catacombs of your first semester.
Rest. Let yourself sleep those few extra minutes. Sleep is essential for a healthy body, and the three cups of coffee you had after 6 p.m. yesterday aren’t helping. Additionally, being late for the bus is great for an active student, as you are forced to chase after it, or walk the few kilometres to class. Either way, it’s a win-win!
Diet. Dieting during your semesters is important, for more than just your health. Just think how much money you can save by barely eating anything! Those few packages of oatmeal in the top shelf of your cupboard should be able to sustain you till after finals. If you’re smart, you can make a large pizza last you a full week. You’ll be shedding pounds at an alarming rate!
Sweat. As Lululemon tells us, sweating once a day is important. Whether it be from running to catch the bus you missed, or the anxiety sweats you can achieve every night by thinking about all the responsibilities, work, and commitments you now have, sweating is a great way to expel all the toxins that the expired oatmeal put into your body.
Work out. Many university campuses offer great workout areas and intramural sports. Simply fit it into your schedule of five classes, a part-time job, and binge-drinking your sorrows away, and you’ll be feeling healthy in no time! Also, sweat works as a natural aphrodisiac, so you’ll be raking in the hotties when you go to class right after the gym.
Date. Dating is a great way to relieve stress during your first year of university. Sure, you will probably have to pay for the date, and no one will be assertive enough to decide where to go, but it’s all worth it by the end of the night when you end up half-drunk in a dimly lit dorm room. They may even share some leftover pizza with you in the morning.