Woman kicked out of karaoke bar after it was discovered she is actually Taylor Swift

Kara‘No’ke
By Craig Allan, Business Manager

“Karaoke is only for bad singers.”

A ruckus broke out at a Vancouver karaoke establishment Friday night, when a woman was kicked out for in fact being multi-Grammy winning performing artist Taylor Swift.

Swift, who was in town filming a movie, decided to give patrons of a local karaoke bar a surprise by dressing up as her sad-sack character from “You Belong with Me” and infiltrating a karaoke group enjoying the activities of bad singing, off-kilter lyric reading, and awkwardness under the name Traylor Schmitt. Acting nervous at first, she then requested to sing “Shake It Off,” “Blank Space,” and what was later discovered to be a playlist filled entirely with Taylor Swift songs. As she stood up to sing, she removed the wig and glasses to reveal who she was—and then began belting out her signature tune.

Some in the group were excited to see Swift performing her songs live for the group, but others were not impressed. “She’s too good at singing that song because it’s her song,” said patron Samuel Hogan. “That’s not fair. Karaoke is only for bad singers. If she wants to sing for people, go find a stage!” said Hogan. The bar appeared to have agreed with this sentiment, so they kicked her out of the bar for singing her own songs in such fantastic quality.

“We cannot have good singers coming in here” stated owner Kazahero Securu. “It will ruin karaoke. Karaoke is for bad singers to sing the great songs and laugh and have fun. If a good performer and singer comes in, it ruins it for everyone. The karaoke bar is for bad singers and a home for the most awkward.” When asked if Swift would ever be allowed back, the owner said she would, as long as she “tones down the talent.”

Some in the party though were supportive of Swift’s deception. “It’s Taylor Swift singing Taylor Swift songs. How can you not want to watch that?!” said amazed observer Carolyn Jarvis.

Swift could not be reached for comment, but one source was said that she was devastated by the decision. The source also said that she could have been laughing at how ridiculous the whole situation was, so her feelings towards this event cannot be confirmed.

When interviewing the establishment, someone walked in under a disguise that clearly looked like artist Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. My suspicions were confirmed when she went into a room and chose “London Bridge,” “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” and “Clumsy.” When I pointed this out to Securu, he said he is not concerned, saying “Oh she’s fine. Remember, to participate in karaoke, I said you have to be a bad singer and couldn’t be famous! We already made sure to take the American national anthem off of the playlist, because, well, you know why.”

For any recording artists looking to impress a group with their lyrical gift, Securu is sending a clear message that they are not welcome to his karaoke stage.