#RepaintGate?

Suspicious incidents cause Super Bowl to erupt in time delays, hilarity

By Chandler Walter, Distribution Manager

Controversy erupted at last Sunday’s Super Bowl game, with accusations flying from both sides of the field. Social media was abuzz over New England Patriots kicker’s comment at halftime.

“It’s the goal posts … they look a slightly different shade of orange,” said the kicker after a particularly embarrassing failed field goal attempt.

The hashtag #RepaintGate began trending worldwide, leading to an extended halftime so that a panel of experts could investigate.

As the three-hour-long #RepaintGate investigation commenced, more controversy arose from the sidelines.

Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch told reporters during an impromptu mid-game press conference that he believed the Patriots were using unfair and unlawful strategies.

“They’ve been making strange noises on the line, they all chant this strange guttural sound, I think it’s voodoo,” Marshawn eagerly told reporters, answering all questions that were asked of him in a very cooperative manner.

To combat this, the fabled “twelfth man” of the Seattle stadium began chanting their own chant, and “DE-FLATE DE-FLATE” was heard repeatedly from then until the end of the game.

The Patriots, meanwhile, began to have the impression that hidden speakers underneath the stadium had boosted the distracting noise of the crowd, and they would not continue play until a thorough search had commenced.

After the eight-hour-long game was over no one was even sure who had won; with so many fines, penalties, and investigations that would need to be finished before a true victor would be crowned, the two head coaches elected to settle it in the most football-like manner possible: the flip of a coin.

Seattle Seahawks win Super Bowl 2015, with tails.