Breakups for Dummies?

Illustration by Ed Appleby

Illustration by Ed Appleby

A simple guide to achieving a quick and efficient Valentine’s Day breakup

By Chitwan Khosla, Features Editor

Valentine’s Day celebrates love and relationships—but we all know that relationships often do end. So, in the same way that you can express love on V-Day, you definitely can announce a breakup too. In fact, as soon as you get in a relationship you should start keeping a list of potential reasons to break up to be on the safe side. Did you forget to keep a list? If you want to escape your relationship this Valentine’s Day, you can use some of the following tips:

To Break Up with a Guy

  • Ask him about his day. If he answers you in detail, tell him that he doesn’t love you but is clearly obsessed with his own life and let the strings loose. If he doesn’t answer you in detail, tell him that he is not sharing his life with you and boom! Breakup successful.
  • Ask him the name of your best friend’s aunt’s cat. If he doesn’t know, he doesn’t care about your life and the people you value. It’s over!
  • Go on a dinner date, and ask him to order what you like. Whatever he orders, say that you don’t like it. Again, he is a loser. Let him go.
  • Tell him he needs a penile enlargement. This strategy never fails!

To Break Up with a Girl

  • Don’t compliment or talk to her on your dinner date. You don’t need to do anything more and she will take the charge of the argument.
  • Tell her that you have a serious STD that you forgot about.
  • Reject her kisses and sexy advances—a girl’s ego can’t take this rejection.
  • Tell her you want to go to Guatemala, donate all your money, live with her in a mud house, and earn money through growing radishes in your garden. Unless she’s really into gardening, she will run away!

The Other Press

The Other Press, Douglas College's student newspaper since 1976. Articles, insight and updates from the New West and Coquitlam campuses.

More Posts - Website

793 comments on “Breakups for Dummies?
  1. Hi, i believe that i noticed you visited my site thus i got here to return the desire?.I’m attempting to
    to find things to improve my website!I assume its good enough to make use of
    some of your concepts!!

  2. Hi! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to take a look.
    I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting
    this to my followers! Terrific blog and outstanding design.

  3. I think this is among the most vital info for me.
    And i’m glad reading your article. But should remark on some general
    things, The website style is ideal, the articles is really
    nice : D. Good job, cheers

  4. Howdy! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us
    so I came to look it over. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!

    Fantastic blog and excellent design.

  5. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
    this matter to be actually something that I think I
    would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me.

    I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

  6. Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea
    shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She
    put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it
    pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but
    I had to tell someone!

  7. all reversed tarot cards the sun tarot card pregnancy tarot door free love tarot reading for singles art of tarot cards lion symbolism in tarot tarot horoscope daily
    tarot card devil meaning the wild unknown tarot app tarot and astrology readings art tarot card meaning the lovers tarot card tattoo is he my soulmate
    tarot 9 cups tarot daily tarot reading horoscope best
    tarot deck for love strength tarot meaning career 22 major arcana tarot cards tarot oui non les runes temperance tarot meaning crystal reflections bohemian cats tarot cards love marriage prediction by tarot card tarot
    smsm free love tarot reading spread rider waite tarot
    cards online lectura del tarot del si y no tarot all cards reversed tarot
    meaning high priestess reversed tarot card read intuitive tarot reader online
    yes or no tarot mythical goddess tarot spreads knight of swords tarot thoth seven of coins
    tarot is tarot cards reading accurate what tarot cards mean illness judgement
    card tarot meaning love tarot reading atlanta thoth tarot 9
    wands the magician reversed love tarot astrology answers tarot
    deck original tarot cards meanings dragon age tarot card art ace
    of wands tarot reading vikings tarot cards moon garden tarot deck
    about tarot card reading eight of cups tarot card meaning the moon card
    tarot love alejandro jodorowsky tarot reading

  8. conocer gente en tarragona contacto mujeres en valencia contactos mujeres
    sagunto conocer gente seria conocer mujeres en murcia anuncio sexo
    gratis chicas contactos zaragoza chico busca chico malaga chico busca mujer lugares para conocer
    gente contactos mujeres en huelva chico busca hombre foros para conocer gente chica busca chico en sabadell
    chico busca chico en la coruna contactos con mujeres en bilbao chicas dominicanas buscando contactos mujeres tenerife contactos chicas en malaga contactos chicos
    valencia contactos chicas valencia contactos mujeres la rioja contacto mujeres alcala de henares busco chica virgen paginas de encuentros sexuales gratis contacto chicas valladolid contactos chicas en alicante contactos mujeres
    murcia chica busca chico para follar contactos chicas aviles anuncios sexo tenerife mujeres de 30 anos solteras segunda mano contacto con mujeres milanuncios contactos mujeres
    lleida conoce a gente contacto mujeres vigo como buscar mujeres solteras
    conocer gente en vigo mil anuncios sexo sevilla como conocer gente por internet gratis mujeres para contactos chica busca sexo en barcelona chico busca chico
    en sevilla contactos para mujeres parejas liberales buscan chico contacto con mujeres en badajoz conocer gente sevilla
    chica busca sexo bilbao buscando chico gay maduras buscan chico joven

  9. tarot 22 arcanos gratis alicia galvan tarot astrologico tarot bueno
    y fiable barato significado del mago en el tarot tarot numerologia a astrologia
    tarot del oraculo arcanos tarot para hoy signos del tarot 2017 lectura del tarot gratis en linea
    tarot el sol y el mundo comprar baraja tarot
    jodorowsky chat cartas del tarot lectura tarot
    gratis real tarot gratis josnell 4 cartas el sol tarot tiziana carta
    el juicio tarot de marsella que significa en el tarot el mago el loco y la
    templanza el tarot de hoy cancer como hacer una tirada de tarot para
    el trabajo horoscopo diario de acuario 2015 tarot libro abierto fuerza y rueda tarot del si
    ono con 5 cartas tarot gratis tirada 2015 tarot karti skopje tarot gitano oraculo consulta gratis de tarot por telefono tarot
    woman guitar tab tarot fiable si o no gratis los enamorados tarot
    significado tirada de tarot por chat gratis horoscopo diario
    de acuario univision tarot fiable barato alguna tarotista buena en barcelona arcano
    7 del tarot egipcio tirada de tarot gratis
    x si o no como tirar las cartas del tarot de marsella
    horoscopo de hoy geminis en el amor tirada de cartas del tarot sobre el amor carta de tarot significado
    el mundo en el amor tarot alicia tarot pamplona tarot pago
    paypal 806 tarot economico josnell tarot amor y trabajo carta del tarot el mundo
    numerologia tarot egipcio cartas tarot amor significado carta
    del tarot el juicio metirta astrocanal tarot gratis es
    fiable el tarot

  10. carta 72 tarot egipcio kier rainbow tarot woman guitar pro rueda dela fortuna tiempo tarot tarot gratis
    los arcanos la encrucijada tarotista buena una pregunta
    al tarot del amor tirada de cartas tarot gratis tirada de
    tarot gratis amor y trabajo tarot portal dos anjos + tarot das bruxas tarot 5 de oros significado los enamorados tarot libro abierto como aprender tarot rapido tarot oraculo horoscopo
    diario baralhos de tarot baratos tarot diario gratis 2016 tarot gratis salud trabajo y
    amor tarot 806 fiable y economico tarot egipcio carta 4 tiradas tarot amor horoscopo hoy
    tarot gratis arcanos geminis hoy tarot amigo tarot de preguntas si o no gratis venta de cartas del tarot los arcanos del tarot significado
    tarot laboral gratis 2016 es verdad el tarot significado de carta
    del tarot la muerte bola de cristal gitana si o no tarot amor los arcanos 2016 libros
    de tarot egipcio pdf cartas del tarot gratis para el trabajo tarot
    gratis de hoy y manana echar cartas tarot zaragoza como ser buen tarotista tarot videncia 1 pregunta gratis acuario hoy amor tarot amigo horoscopo tarot gratis del dia da vinci tarot pdf carta
    de tarot gratis para hoy tarot pepita vilallonga tarot 3d la encrucijada de los arcanos tarot
    diario gratis horoscopo cartas del tarot gratis ver las cartas del tarot gitano tarot gratis
    por email del amor tarot si no gratis el tarot del oraculo si
    o no significado de todas las cartas del tarot leerme el tarot del amor gratis tarot preguntar por otra persona

  11. Does your site have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an e-mail.
    I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
    Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it improve over time.

  12. Hmm it appears like your website ate my first comment (it was
    super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I
    submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to
    everything. Do you have any tips and hints for inexperienced blog writers?
    I’d really appreciate it.

  13. Thank you a bunch for sharing this with all people you actually recognize what you’re
    speaking about! Bookmarked. Please additionally visit my web site =).

    We can have a hyperlink change contract among us

  14. I’m not sure exactly why but this blog is loading incredibly slow
    for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end?
    I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  15. Pretty nice post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve truly loved surfing around your weblog posts.
    After all I will be subscribing in your rss feed and I hope
    you write again very soon!

  16. Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular post! It’s the little changes which will make the greatest changes.
    Thanks a lot for sharing!

  17. Undeniably believe that that you stated. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the web the simplest factor
    to consider of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed whilst
    other people consider worries that they plainly do not know about.
    You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest as well as
    outlined out the entire thing with no need
    side-effects , other people could take a signal. Will likely be again to get
    more. Thank you

  18. Ꮋеllo tһere! Thіs post couldn’t be written any better!
    Reading tһrough thіs post reminds mе ⲟf my previous гoom
    mate! He always қept chatting аbout this. I will forward thiѕ page to him.
    Fairly ⅽertain he wiⅼl havе а ցood гead. Many thanks for sharing!

  19. Hi there, I discovered your web site via Google while searching for a comparable subject,
    your web site got here up, it seems to be good.
    I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hi there, just changed into aware of your blog thru Google,
    and located that it is truly informative. I’m
    going to watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate for those who continue this in future.
    Lots of other folks will likely be benefited out of your writing.
    Cheers!

  20. Hmm is anyone else having problems with
    the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a
    problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

  21. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering iff you knew of any widgets I could add
    tto my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I’ve been lookikng for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoiping maybe you would ave
    some experience with somethong like this. Please lett me
    knopw if youu run into anything. I trfuly enjoy readinmg your blog andd I look forward to your new updates.

  22. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much
    about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.

    I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the
    message home a little bit, but other than that,
    this is excellent blog. A fantastic read. I will definitely be back.

  23. Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just
    too great. I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly
    like what you’re stating and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable
    and you still care for to keep it sensible. I can’t wait to read
    far more from you. This is actually a tremendous website.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*