Why I know exactly how things should be
By Cazzy Lewchuk, Staff Writer
Reading about all the elections coming up has really got me thinking: I’ve listened to the debates and read up on the policies of all the candidates, and it really frustrates me how everybody is completely wrong except for the guy I’m voting for.
I don’t know why 46 per cent of people support the other candidate compared to the 44 per cent that support mine. The only explanation is that those 46 per cent are complete and utter morons. I’m particularly concerned about their slight difference with regard to increased taxes that don’t affect my bracket, environmental regulations that won’t come into effect for a decade, and their choice of party colour combinations.
I’m not an ignoramus when it comes to politics. I read an article in the local daily newspaper and follow my preferred politician on Twitter. I even took an Intro to Political Science course in my first year of college, which means I know close to the same amount of important information as any of the candidates. I know everybody wants to make an informed rational decision casting their ballot—but clearly, 46 per cent of people can’t be bothered to even get informed.
I’ve told a lot of my friends about why I support my preferred candidate. Although about half of them agree he’s the guy to vote for, the other half don’t even know what they’re talking about. They actually dared to disagree with some of the policies my guy has supported. Can you believe the nerve of some people? They must hate this city, this country, and democracy. Some of them have even gone so far as to try to defend their decision. “Not everything is a complete partisan issue,” they tell me. “It’s not all black and white. Both candidates have strong ideas, and aren’t perfect in every decision.” They’ve been brainwashed by the political media to blindly follow what the politicians tell them. But I know the truth, and it’s that the person I’m voting for is absolutely the right fit for the position.
One of my friends even had the nerve to say he’s “undecided” about who to vote for, and won’t make up his mind until the day of. According to some shocking polls I found on the Internet, 10 per cent of the population feels the same way! There’s no other explanation for how they’ve found the nerve to not read a Facebook post or glance at a headline proving my candidate is the superior choice. Have they never seen a TV commercial outlining bad things once said by members of the party I’m not voting for?
Politics is a dangerous and often confusing game. But I’m confident that my knowledge as a slightly sheltered college student who has voted in one election before triumphs every other voter’s opinion. Well, the ones who disagree with me, I mean. Everyone on my side understands.