While you were sleeping
By Kirsten Scott-Wuori, Columnist
Did you forget to wear a shirt today? Did you wear too many shirts today? Were you so hungry after lunch that you found yourself eating barely-trash Timbits from the cafeteria garbage can? Did you get your period in any memorable way? We want to know about it. We know that there are times in your life when you look at yourself and you can barely believe the shameful person looking back at you—but don’t worry! There’s absolutely absolution in sharing. Get it off your chest. Send us your most cringe-worthy confessions at firstname.lastname@example.org, and spread the shame.
For Valentine’s Day last year I decided to surprise my boyfriend by renting a hotel room downtown. The room was beautiful—a view of the water, Jacuzzi tub, the works—and way out of my price range. The only not-perfect part was my boyfriend: he had to work. Valentine’s Day for a server is like Black Friday for a salesperson—there’s no way in hell you’ll be getting it off.
I decided that I would go to the hotel room early to get it ready; after all, there was no sense in leaving this beautiful room empty while I waited for him to get off work. I bought champagne, did the rose pedal thing, even bought lingerie, and then I waited.
The next thing I know, my boyfriend—and a handful of hotel staff—is waking me up, and it is 1:30 in the morning. Apparently I hadn’t heard my boyfriend pounding on the door and he was worried something bad had happened to me so he went for help. I didn’t realize that if the last seating at the restaurant he worked at was at 9 p.m., that he wouldn’t make it to the hotel until well after midnight, and I had fallen asleep.
This Valentine’s Day, if I do decide to go the hotel route again, I will make sure I give my boyfriend a key.