Dance becomes Canada’s third official language

International language added to better reflect Canada’s funky multiculturalism

By Liam Britten, Chief Linguistic Limbo Editor

[dropcap]A[/dropcap] revision of the Official Languages Act cleared the Senate today, and Canada, by adopting the international language of Dance, has become a trilingual nation.

“By recognizing Dance and the critical role it has played in the cultural foundations of this great nation, Canada has become a better, more inclusive place for all,” said Minister of Heritage and Official Languages James Moore. “Before, it was only English and French cultures which were adequately represented by the [Official Languages] Act. Now, booty shakers, rug cutters, move busters, and all those who get down and dirty on the dance floor can finally feel at home in their homeland.”

Dance language activists were thrilled with the decision, declaring that the move was both “so nasty” and “so fr-fr-fr-freeeeeeeesh.”

Sarah Smith of Dancers Without Borders was one community leader raving about the decision.

[quote style=”boxed”]Other languages were considered and ultimately not adopted; Music, for example, did not make the cut, nor did the language of Love after experts testified before Parliament that Love is merely a dialect of the far more popular language of Sex.[/quote]

“This is a huge step forward for recognizing the truly rich Dance history Canada has,” she told The Other Press in a telephone interview. “For example, the Macarena was actually invented by Dr. James Naismith in 1909. He was looking to develop an indoor athletic dance that would keep rowdy students distracted during the freezing New England winter. It was quite a different dance back then, what with the peach baskets and all.”

Smith is optimistic that the move will lead to an improved standing and regard for Dance in the education system. She is proposing that the federal government fund optional Dance Immersion programs for students to truly get a grasp of the rich, freaky language, but even if that proposal falls short, she would like to see some rudimentary Dance education in elementary school.

“There are just some truly crunk moments in history that students are sadly ignorant about. Our research has found that only 14 per cent of students know that the Battle of the Plains of Abraham was primarily won because of an epic dance-off between General Wolfe and General Montcalm that was so sick that neither man survived. And you don’t even want to know how little students know about the grand ball that resulted in the patriation of the Constitution in 1982,” she said.

The amendments to the Official Languages Act were the result of a lengthy review process. Other languages were considered and ultimately not adopted; Music, for example, did not make the cut, nor did the language of Love after experts testified before Parliament that Love is merely a dialect of the far more popular language of Sex.

“We felt it was unnecessary to add a mere dialect to the list of official languages, especially a dialect of a language that most Canadians outside of Ontario are more than fluent in,” said Moore.

While many were applauding the decision, the Bloc Quebecois was furious over it, saying that it diminished the relevance of the French language. However, no one really cares about them anymore.

The Other Press

The Other Press, Douglas College's student newspaper since 1976. Articles, insight and updates from the New West and Coquitlam campuses.

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