What is a star war? Do the stars fight?’ ask mothers everywhere
By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor
Millions of moms worldwide are planning to make their voices heard next Sunday about confusing franchises that are sweeping the nation.
“We’re here and we’re taking a stand about how confusing everything has been lately,” Kathy Hopper, mother of three, told Other Press reporters. “How are we supposed to keep up with pop culture while also being mothers and caregivers to our children?”
Moms had an especially tough go this year when subjected to the final season of Game of Thrones and the finale of the Avengers films.
“How is Game of Thrones still going? Was that the show where the brother and sister were having ‘relations?’ I banned that in our household,” Rebecca Schifter, mother of two children and three dogs, told reporters.
“I really like that Chris Pratt, though,” Schifter added.
Why do mothers find it so hard to keep up with pop culture? Other Press reporters spoke to Lynne Redford, neurologist, for the inside scoop.
“As soon as someone becomes a mother, they access a part of their brain known as the ‘mother quadrant,’” Redford said. “It’s the same part of the brain used in the Ferber Method, where mothers have to ignore their child’s cries so they don’t become codependent. This quadrant flares up when confronted with information that is deemed ‘non-crucial,’ and instead of hearing about who will eventually take the Iron Throne, they hear adult contemporary music such as Elton John or Corey Hart. I have no children myself and am very excited to see Endgame.”
Keeping this in mind, it’s no surprise that mothers around the globe are revolting against the current state of affairs.
“Just because we don’t know who Thanos is doesn’t mean that we’re dumb,” Hopper said. “You sure didn’t think I was dumb when I was changing your sheets at 1 am because you wet the bed until you were eight.”
“I tried watching some of the Avengers movies, but there were just too many characters to keep straight,” Schifter said. “I’m supposed to memorize them all, but you can’t even remember my birthday?”
Is there any hope for reconciliation between franchise superfans and their worried mothers?
“Maybe it’ll be okay,” Hopper said. “Mother’s Day is coming up, after all. Instead of all this space violence and old-timey talking, we could take a nice walk in the park, or have lunch at that new tapas place down the street. And then, if you still feel like watching something, why don’t we put on a nice Julia Roberts movie? How about Notting Hill? You used to love Notting Hill.”
During the time of interviews, fathers were unable to comment as they were reading their dog-eared copies of Patrick O’Brian’s Master and Commander for the 63rd time in the garage while drinking a lukewarm beer.