Organic condiment reviews
By CJ Sommerfeld, Staff Writer
BBQ season is among us, and what better way to squeeze a little extra health into our lives than by literally squeezing organic condiments onto our hot doggos and hamburggos?
1. Suzie’s Organic Ketchup Style Sauce
Am I not the only one confused by this product’s name? Is Suzie trying to tell us that their sauce has been made in a ketchup style—and is therefore not actually ketchup? Or—is this one of these semantic, redundant, ‘naan bread’, ‘salsa sauce’ misspoken terms. If I opted for the organic $7.99 bottle of ketchup opposed to the $1.99 Heinz stuff, I sure hope I am getting what I paid for—ketchup!
Color: Anemic red
Tasting notes: The front of the bottle reads ‘Double Dip Worthy’, and I couldn’t disagree more. There is nothing less artificial tasting in this red sauce compared to the non-organic one. I do not care if the salt and sugar used are organic or not, just like all ketchup has ever done, these ingredients infiltrate the palette, reminding us just how far these two ingredients can alter a vegetable from its original form.
Verdict 1: Sugar and salt are the meth of ingredients.
Verdict 2: Ketchup is one of the easiest condiments to make. If you are set on opting for a healthier option, instead of spending nearly $10.00 on something you have been getting from McDonald’s for free since you were a child, you might as well mix together the few spices, tomato paste, and sugar it takes to make this BBQ must-have.
2. Suzie’s Organic Mayonnaise
Suzie must really be into mayonnaise because she decided to not make this product in mayonnaise style, but instead as actual mayonnaise. Suzie must also be making a killing by charging an arm and leg more for condiments by adding a few organic ingredients into them. Note: This product’s main ingredient is soybean oil—organic, albeit, but can you name a more metallic-tasting oil? Could they not have opted for an avocado oil?
Tasting notes: Rancid. Between the iron after taste, paint-thinner aroma, and gel consistency—which I am all blaming on the soybean oil, you lose everything enjoyable about mayo (which was not much to begin with). This mayonnaise literally tastes like viscous plastic: no tangy taste, no sweetness, just polyethene.
Verdict: Dear Suzie: if you swap this product’s main ingredient to avocado or olive oil, I will give it another go. Until then, I’m sticking with Kewpie mayo (largely because of the cute bag it comes in).
3. HLTHPUNK Organic Smartfood BIONNAISE oat-based vegan mayo
Decided that you want to dip your toes in the vegan pool? $9.99 and this toothpaste-tube of a vegannaise container can be yours. Its aesthetic reminds me of stickers my parents used to buy me I the early ‘oos, something similar to Lizzie McGuire when she transformed into “Animated Lizzie.”
Tasting notes: How is it that each of this condiment’s ingredients—except for the pea
protein, are discernable? The package reads: “sunflower oil, oat milk (water, oats), vinegar, pea
protein, sea salt, black salt, ashwagandha, acerola, asafetida, lemon juice
concentrate, carrot juice concentrate, white pepper, turmeric,” and P.S.
everything is organic. And P.P.S. Ashwagandha is Indian ginseng, acerola is a
sort of Latin American cherry, and asafetida is a bitter—yet savory, tasting Iranian
fennel. That’s right, this is not the mayo you have been dipping your McDonald’s
fries in all your life. Not even its texture is repulsive—as are most
mayonnaises, but instead it is velvety, even ironically: buttery. Verdict: I’m not usually a
big fan of veganizing something by substituting animal product ingredients with
weird veggie-based emulsifiers and things made of nuts. There is plenty of
great vegan food that has always only ever contained plant-based
ingredients—like bread. But this product, I am all for. Who woulda thought of
adding turmeric or carrot juice in mayo? Well, it definitely works.