Hospitals also report overcrowded burn wards
By Livia Turnbull, Contributor
Three college students invented a horrible new summer activity described as “Burning Man, but crazy stupid.” The activity involves a Slip ‘N Slide, lighter fluid, and a garden hose. The Slip ‘N Slide is set alight with lighter fluid and the person who slides across gets put out with a garden hose. The Other Press interviewed these young men.
“It all started when we got drunk,” says Jason Tillaboo, “We were falling on our asses when Mike, my brah, decided to get out his old Slip ‘N Slide. At first we were having fun sliding around, but then I got this crazy idea to set the Slip ‘N Slide on fire.”
“It was a pretty dope idea,” says Mike Santiaga, “Last weekend I got blazed and was watching some Slip ‘N Slide videos on YouTube, so I thought we should try and do this.”
Flaming Slip ‘N Slides might seem fun, but hospitals disagree. Armin Tszak, a doctor at Royal Columbian Hospital’s burn ward, voices his disapproval.
“Many young people have been coming in to this hospital with second- or third-degree burns. Sometimes even both. We have had to do so many skin grafts lately that I’m not even sure some of these people have any skin left. I’m sick of drunken college students giving ‘YOLO’ as their explanation. Do we have to re-teach these people about fire safety?”
“I dunno,” says Taylor Olafsona, “People have been using fire as a sport since like, forever. People walk on hot coals and they don’t get burned. Those fire-breathers don’t get hurt either. What’s wrong with us inventing a new extreme sport?”
“We want people to make a Flaming Slip ‘N Slide and put it on YouTube.” says Santiaga, “We want to see if this gets popular. After we come out of the hospital, we’re taking the Flaming Slip ‘N Slide to Dragon’s Den.”
“We might have to drop out of college for this,” says Olafsona, “It’s okay: we’ll soon be millionaires. Education is useless anyway. We already know things.”