Was literally unable to provide specific details in Facebook posts
By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
In a move that left her 768 Facebook friends both shocked and weirdly satisfied, 24-year-old Douglas College pseudo-student Monica Gellar revealed today that she is actually an undercover federal agent—which fully explains why her online posts are always so damn vague.
“People are always on my back about the extreme ambiguity in all my posts,” explained Gellar. “It’s like—hello!—it’s a matter of national security! I can’t just reveal classified information online. But I still want to be able to express my feelings to everyone.”
Indeed, specific details about Gellar’s position are not clear at time of this writing, but she totally assures us that they are legitimate.
“Big things are happening … oh my gosh I just can’t begin to tell you how much all of this means … I just hope that everything turns out okay…,” said Gellar when asked about her job.
“Wow! Who would have ever thought that all this would happen,” Gellar added.
“It’s just that at times like this, when something like this happens, you really hope that the people who should know what’s going on will know what’s going on … you know who you are,” she elaborated.
“Sometimes I just hate everything so much for a very specific reason,” Gellar said, coquettishly.
“If you can guess within three clues what I’m talking about, I’ll give you a VERY special prize,” she added.
“Ugh, I just hate how much people want to know about me though! It’s so annoying how people are always worried about me or answering my questions,” she said, before disappearing in a puff of smoke.