New letter will represent heterosexual males semi-infatuated with Ryan Gosling
By Jacey Gibb-Gosling, Blue Valentine enthusiast
Representatives for LGBTQ rights in Vancouver held a press conference yesterday to officially announce what experts had already been speculating for months: that they would be adding the letter ‘M’ to their name, in an attempt to accommodate the growing population of males who are, for the most part, attracted to females, but who would also likely get to first base with movie star, Ryan Gosling.
The M initial, which will officially come into effect next week, is meant to represent “males who identify as heterosexual, but would probably make out with Ryan Gosling if given the opportunity.”
Recent polls done by the LGBTQ society of Vancouver showed that a record 46 per cent of the male population found themselves identifying with this mindset, up from the 23 per cent reported a month before the release of Drive. Many experts have cited his performance in the 2011 critically acclaimed drama as the main reason behind this spike of male-on-male crushes, as well as his “totally dreamy eyes” and “seemingly down to earth personality.”
“Ryan Gosling is one of Hollywood’s hottest stars right now,” explained LGBTQ Vancouver spokesperson, Eric Scott. “So it’s no surprise that more and more males are starting to think, ‘Yeah, he seems like a pretty cool guy who likes cars and stuff. I could definitely swap saliva with him.’”
Initial reactions to the announcement have mostly been positive, with many praising the organization’s willingness to recognize unreciprocated love for a celebrity as a sexual orientation, but some citizens are being critical about the letter change.
“It’s a step in the right direction,” confirms Stephanie Horchuck, the creator behind the group Ridiculous Requests for Righteousness. “But what about other movements like the ‘Women who find Sarah Jessica Parker attractive but only in a companion kind-of-way’ association or the ‘Katy Perry can be my California girl anytime—but mostly as a friend though’ supporters? How is the decision to officiate men who want to mack on the guy from The Notebook going to reflect on the organization when they refuse to recognize these other important groups on the same level?”
When The Other Press reached out to Ryan Gosling for a comment on the issue, he replied via Internet meme with “Hey girl, it’s hard for me to reify Beauvoir’s theory of the lost female genius when I’m around you.”