Edited by Eric Wilkins, Sports Editor
…because why publish fresh local content when you can pull an article from the newswire used by hundreds of papers across the country?
Suarez to pursue new business venture (Dissociative Press)
Luis Suarez, riding high from his strong showing at the World Cup, is set to open an orthodontist clinic. The Uruguayan has long been famed for flashing his pearly whites on the pitch and says that he hopes the clinic will help patients to achieve the “perfect bite.”
“I’ve been dying to sink my teeth into a fresh challenge and running this business will provide just that,” said Suarez in a short release.
The business cards are supposed to be red.
Government destroys nature, encourages public to view it (Doomberg)
The BC government has recently been funding a series of gondola projects in the province’s scenic mountain areas just north of Vancouver. Each gondola line, which includes the construction of a number of restaurants and other attractions at either end, seeks to, “Bring the outdoors, inside.”
“It’s incredible what we’re planning. From the latest gondola you’ll be able to see both the Mount Harvey gondola as well as the Mount Brunswick gondola, and that’s not even mentioning the wide swath of trees cleared for all three,” said Mo Cutting, the spokesman for the projects.
The commercials, set to air in 2015, will reportedly be adapted from the previous advertisements as they sport a line alluding to the low cost of the trips to and from the peak: “Super…value BC.”
Mediator for BCTF strike not Ready (Loiters)
Talks between the BCTF and the BC government hit another obstacle last week when Dince Ready turned down the position of mediator; Ready is assumed to have passed on the job due to overwhelming mocking of his lisp.
An unnamed teacher commented, “It’s hard to maintain your composure when he says: ‘Dince Weady is gonna get that wascally deal done.’”
Ready is well-known for his hate of Looney Tunes and has been quoted as saying, “It Bugs me.”