Recently single woman decides ‘you don’t need a man to complete you’

By Natalie Serafini, Assistant Editor

Recently single woman, Kassidy Jones, has decided that men are not necessary for a woman’s self-fulfillment.

“I just was sitting in my room, going through my second box of chocolate, and I realized that the Pussycat Dolls are right: you don’t need a man to complete you—do you hear that, Ben? I don’t need you,” Jones said.

Jones hypothesizes that, to fulfill oneself, a woman only needs yoga, kickboxing, books, hobbies, vibrating paraphernalia, and some “bitchin’ feminist tunes, like ‘Roar,’ ‘Wrecking Ball,’ ‘Stronger,’ and ‘Independent Women.’

“It also helps if you end up with a really hot bod, and then you run into your ex, and you’re just walking around not giving a shit—that’s like, the Nirvana of this philosophy,” Jones continued.

The path to enlightenment isn’t easy: it requires dedication to putting yourself first, getting a yoga mat, taking a lot of cute selfies, and being really present on social media but in an “I’m super busy living my fabulous life” sort of way.

If there’s one thing you can do right away to get on your way to enlightenment, though Jones advocates pinning some inspirational quotes around your home.

“Oh yeah, quotes can be super helpful. My personal favourite is ‘A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,’ because it really conveys the message that women don’t need men. [Miley] Cyrus’ ‘One day he wants me, one day he wants me not / I don’t do chances, ‘cause time just ain’t what I got’ [from ‘SMS (Bangerz)’] is also really powerful.”

Jones has started writing a book, You’re Gonna Hear Me Like a Wrecking Ball: A 12-Step Guide to Being Single and Okay With It (working title). Already, critics are saying it “could be kind of helpful to some women everywhere.”

“I still have to decide how many steps there will be, because I think a 15-step guide sounds like it has more nuances, but so far it’s going well!”