Closed Captioning Karaoke takes Normcore to regular new heights
By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to make a smart comeback like Abby Sciuto on NCIS? Do you fantasize about impressing your friends with a classic Sheldon-from-The-Big-Bang-Theory zinger? Then you might be up for a night on the town at Coquitlam’s newest mom-approved nightspot—Closed Captioning Karaoke Bar.
“I’ve spent a lot of time in Japan…ese restaurants in Coquitlam, so I do definitely fancy myself a bit of an expert on popular Asian entertainment. But I tried going to karaoke here, and it was all just people singing! So stressful and also boring. Then it dawned on me: not everyone loves music—but everyone loves Modern Family. So I figured I’d give the people what they want,” explained Closed Captioning Karaoke owner, Leroy Gibbs.
The bar has a unique concept: patrons come in, order French fries and soda pop, and then take turns reading the lines of characters from their favourite television shows from a TV monitor with closed captioning enabled. You can gather a large group to read around the table for a large-cast show, or—if you don’t really have any friends—you can just read all of the characters’ lines to yourself like a crazy person.
“I always thought I was a better actress than Kerry Washington,” said Closed Captioning regular, Sheryl Whatshername. “Now I can prove it to my friends—over and over—while they’re trying to have lunch!”
Indeed, Closed Captioning has garnered a cult-like following of patrons who are eager to recite lines from their fave shows in public. Unfortunately, despite being filled to capacity most days, Gibbs admits to some early struggles the business has experienced.
“Well, we’re always pretty full I guess—but it takes a lot longer for people to get through a few complete one-hour drama shows than it does for them to get through a few Journey songs like at regular karaoke. So we have to turn a lot of people away. Also, reading zombie moans from The Walking Dead doesn’t really encourage people to spend much money on food and drinks.”