When housing gets you down IRL, live in someone else’s
By Katie Czenczek, Staff Writer
No one could have predicted the vast turnaround in profit that The Sims franchise experienced in the past months. A series that everyone thought was dead has managed to rise from the ashes of the forgotten game universe.
Further research shows that there is a specific area in the world, along with a new demographic, that has single-handedly saved The Sims 4 from extinction. Vancouver, British Columbia—which prides itself on being the most expensive place to live in Canada—is where all the profits for the games are coming from. Average Vancouverites all over the city have taken to the game despite having no previous experience in playing Sims before.
Denise Mann, a new player, explains why she spends all of her paycheck on The Sims.
“It’s the only place in Vancouver where I can afford to own a home. I don’t even buy mansions in the game, just a simple, detached house where my bedroom is not also my living room, my kitchen, my study area, and my washroom. I’m literally just making my dream home.”
Another Vancouverite-turned-Simmer named Joshua Choo explains why he too has taken to the game.
“I’m a student who currently lives in my parents’ house. Now this wouldn’t be too bad if I wasn’t 30 and just couldn’t afford to move out. In The Sims 4, I own a house and my parents are actually proud of me while I go to school. Plus, I’ve got killer abs and a best-selling novel.”
Casey Bautista, local student, plays The Sims 4 at her local public library because she can’t afford a computer.
“I work three jobs just to pay rent, so I can’t even afford to buy myself a computer. I even pirate the games because they keep coming up with expansion packs. I can’t afford to buy those and pay my water bills. I’ve gotta play, it’s the only real escape I get from life.”
Todd Baker, active Simmer in the community who is fluent in Simlish (the language spoken in The Sims), describes the increase in sales as “shocking” and “completely surprising.”
“The Sims 4 is easily the worst series in the franchise by far. They added load screens to every location you visit in the world, ‘Create a Style’ has been eradicated, and they even added an expansion pack just for vampires. Who the fuck wants to pay $19.99 just to get vampires back into the game? They really suck. Wait, no I mean, ugh bloody hell—damn it!”
There are also academic critics protesting against those buying The Sims instead of a house. According to certain statistics, if people saved all the money they spent on The Sims, they would be able to afford to buy a house. Statistician and self-proclaimed killjoy, Doug Smith, has done the math.
“If people stopped buying The Sims 4, including every stuff pack, expansion pack, and other Sims Store merchandise, I have concluded that they’d be able to buy a $1,830,956 condo after only 50 years. They’d also have to cut out buying food, owning a car, and paying their cell phone bill, but really it all comes down to priorities. It just goes to show that Vancouverites are simply wasting their hard-earned money.”