Turtz the Terror strikes again

Crashes party, doesn’t even bring hostess gift

By Allie Davison, Senior Columnist

The menacing beagle hybrid that made news just after Christmas has made a second attack on the tiny tinsel town at the North Pole. The incident took place on a brisk March evening, at the home of Mr. Harold Elf, where a small gathering was taking place. The pup, who has been branded “Turtz the Terror” by multiple news outlets, allegedly barged into the house, without knocking, and proceeded to wipe her dirty paws all over Mr. Elf’s clean kitchen floor.

The mayhem didn’t stop there—witnesses have reported the Terror then wandered around the party knocking beverages off the table with mighty swipes of her furry tail, and then, without warning, she knocked the guest of honour to the floor and licked his face all over.

A few brave partygoers attempted to calm the beast by bribing her with some of the delicious appetizers Mr. Elf had painstakingly prepared, but she would not be reasoned with. Instead, she devoured the treats and started nosing around the counters for more.

“It was just plain rude, if you ask me,” one Elf, who requested to remain nameless, stated, “I mean, it’s one thing to show up uninvited—but then to eat all the snacks and mess the place up. Rude.”

The incident ended with Turtz passing out on the futon, without even asking if she could stay the night. Luckily, no real damage was done but, needless to say, the entire night was disrupted and consequently branded the worst party of the season.

Elf has no idea how he could have offended the creature, but detectives think it may have just been a random attack. Neighbours have reported seeing Turtz wandering around the area, possibly just looking for a good party to crash and bed to pass out on.