Writer wins Pulitzer Prize for novel they’ve never written

HUMOUR_NovelIdea_preview

Nebulous concept of novel becomes New York Times bestseller, receives critical acclaim

By Rebecca Peterson, Assistant Editor

 

A local writer has gained an international following and the critical acclaim of many greatly renowned authors for a novel that he will definitely write sometime this year, probably.

The writer in question, John Everyman, has been struggling to complete his magnum opus since his late teens, but is confident that he’s stumbled upon a winning plot outline for his debut novel. It is this plot outline that has made the rounds on social media, and has received multiple awards for its stunning originality, relevancy, and blistering commentary on the state of the human condition.

“It’s utterly stunning,” said Head of the Pulitzer Prize Board Sally Bookmaster in an interview with the Other Press on Sunday. “We of the board have no doubt that once it’s finished and published, this book will change the way we see ourselves and others for the next decade… perhaps even the next hundred years. There was no doubt in our mind that this book was utterly deserving of the highest honour we had to bestow.”

“I mean, you just have to look at what this guy’s got planned,” said book enthusiast Paige Dhaliwal. “It’s got everything—twists, turns, a believable romance, the struggle between good and evil, it’s basically the perfect novel.”

The outline even has executive producers in Hollywood interested in bringing the impending novel to life on the big screen.

“We’ve already got Tom Hanks on the line for one of the supporting roles, Idris Elba for the lead,” said executive producer Gary Lowbar. “If we get Meryl Streep in on this we’ve basically got an Oscar hat-trick in the bag.”

“Well, we have Leonardo DiCaprio, Denzel Washington, and Viola Davis interested if we get the rights,” said executive producer Tim Decent, elbowing past Lowbar to speak to the press. “I mean, it’s hard to get much better than that.”

Everyman has said that he’s pleased about the reception his novel idea has received, but that it’s “ramped the pressure up somewhat.”

“I mean, this kind of reaction is really what I’ve dreamed of for almost a decade, honestly,” said Everyman, sitting in a coffee shop with his laptop open to a blank Word document as he spoke to the Other Press. “But I really gotta deliver now, which I think is a good thing. It kind of gives me that push to actually write the novel, right?”

The novel, according to Everyman, is about “a guy who like, experiences this incident that completely just shatters his worldview, and he sort of has to reconcile who he is with this thing that has happened, and what that’s going to turn him into and just sort of where his life is going.”

Everyman told the Other Press that he has the basic narrative beats sorted, he just has to put it all together.

“I really think that once it gets out there, it’s gonna be my best work,” said Everyman. “I’m just so excited for everyone to read it.”

Everyman’s novel is set to hit the shelves fall of 2018, most likely, if he doesn’t get writer’s block (again).

The Other Press

The Other Press, Douglas College's student newspaper since 1976. Articles, insight and updates from the New West and Coquitlam campuses.

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