Douglas to have first ever frat house
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
Douglas student Bill “The Man” Huntington was fed up with the lack of fraternities at the college.
“I got here first day all cool-like right, collar popped, shades on, and I was all like whaaaaaa? Where’s all the frat bros? You see in all the movies, the crazy parties and hot chicks, so I really just applied to the college to get in on that action.”
Huntington, being the entrepreneurial go-getter that he is, took matters into his own hands.
“Alpha Party Beta” has officially been submitted and approved as Douglas College’s first ever frat house, under the strict leadership of Huntington himself.
“Yeah, it’s not the sweetest digs,” Huntington explained, stating that the frat house is really just the unattached garage at his parents’ home near the school. “But I can already tell we’re gonna have some real bangers. Got the mini fridge stocked full of twisted teas for the ladies.”
Huntington’s first event, “Super Awesome Party YEAH!!” has been created on Facebook, and he is happy to report that 11 people have already responded: five agreed to attend, four maybes, and a disheartening two who could not attend due to, “I have work that day,” and, “This sounds really stupid,” respectively. Still, Huntington remains hopeful.
“People just like to play it mysterious, I mean we’ve got 2000+ people invited, it makes sense for some people not to RSVP, but still show up. I’m not even worried at all. Not one bit. Serious bro.”
On the list of potential pledges for Douglas’ first frat is first year philosophy student Jamie Dean. We talked to him about the hazing process and why it was he wanted to join APB.
“I honestly didn’t know what I was getting into,” he told us during his break from Critical Thinking.
“Like, I actually didn’t know. Some guy looking straight outta the ‘80s just ran up to me on the first day and made me sign something. Next thing I know I’m shotgunning beers with him in the handicap washroom stall. I was late for class. I’m scared. He won’t leave me alone.”
APB is still looking for more applicants, and Huntington himself will be patrolling the Campus grounds searching for more impressionable students. Fair warning.
FULL DISCLAIMER: The Other Press does not associate with Alpha Party Beta, nor do we wish to condone underage drinking or adultery, or suggest that any unknowing woman should enter Alpha Party Beta’s “frat house” under any circumstance.