The elbow that shook the world

Three amigos conference instrumental in elbow-gate resolution

By Jake Wray, Senior Columnist

Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama have apparently made up after their elbow-based spat last month.

American forces, which had amassed at the Canadian border after the incident, quietly withdrew after several days. Weeks of silence and uncertainty followed before Trudeau and Obama appeared together at the Three Amigos Summit in Ottawa.

In a speech at the House of Commons, President Obama briefly addressed the incident that nearly drove North America into a bloody conflict.

“I was honestly pretty pissed that Justin would assault me viciously with his elbow, but I found it in myself to forgive him because I am great, fantastic, and wonderful,” President Obama said. “I also realized that my attempt to politicize the incident wasn’t gaining me any favour with voters, so screw it, right?”

Justin Trudeau spoke to reporters about the incident after the Three Amigos proceedings had concluded. He maintained his claim to innocence, saying that the elbow was a light, accidental bump, but that he was sorry nonetheless. He said that Mexican President Peña Nieto was instrumental in calming the situation.

“If it wasn’t for Peña, I would still be mad at Barack, and Barack would still be mad at me. But our third amigo was able to talk us down and get us sitting at the same table again,” Trudeau said.

“It’s a good thing too because we would have been fucked if the Americans had invaded,” Trudeau added with a nervous chuckle.

Hasbro, the maker of Monopoly, is also apologizing for its role in the incident. Colin McFadyen, a spokesperson for the company, said Hasbro will be reviewing its own policies.

“We recognize that we are responsible for the animal hatred that grows between Monopoly opponents. This shocking international incident that almost caused millions of people to be slaughtered has forced us to rethink the rules of Monopoly, as well as our values as a company,” McFadyen said.

“For now, we are recommending that world leaders play Scrabble, Yahtzee, or Battleship instead.”