Ask Dolly

Life advice from country music legend, Dolly Parton

By Brittney MacDonald, Staff Writer

Dear Dolly, what do you do when people judge you because of your looks?

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb—I also know I’m not a blonde.

Dear Dolly, should I change my major?

I want to go and go, and then drop dead in the middle of something I love to do. And if that doesn’t happen, if I wind up sitting in a wheelchair, at least I’ll have my high heels on.

Dear Dolly, people say I wear too much makeup, what should I do?

Tell ‘em “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

Dear Dolly, my student loan debt is going to be crazy. Should I take a semester off to work?

Working 9-5 ain’t a bad way to make a living.

Dear Dolly, what should I look out for?

My weaknesses have always been food and men—in that order.

Dear Dolly, how can I improve my self-esteem?

If I see something sagging, bagging, or dragging, I’ll get it nipped, tucked, or sucked.

Dear Dolly, how can I be more like you?

I modelled my looks on the town tramp.

Dear Dolly, what do you say when people tell you to stop being such a girl, and get ready faster?

It’s a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I’d be a drag queen.

Dear Dolly, how are you so positive all the time?

People say I look so happy—and I say “that’s the Botox.”

Dear Dolly, should I go on a diet?

I’ve tried every diet in the book. I’ve tried some that weren’t in the book. I’ve tried eating the book; it tasted better than most of the diets.

Dear Dolly, I don’t keep up with foreign politics, how can I fake it so I can look smart in public?

People are always asking me in interviews, “What do you think of foreign affairs?” I just say, “I’ve had a few.”

Dear Dolly, what do you do when you’re depressed?

When I feel low, I put on my favourite high heels to stand a little taller.

Dear Dolly, how do you deal with all the haters?

If anybody tells you your hair is too big, get rid of them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.