Dear Aunt Agony,
Thanks for your advice on that big problem I was having trouble with! Now I know what to do about my finances!
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
There was no finance question in last week’s column, dear. Stop writing such nonsense.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
Dear Aunt Agony,
My little brother is nervous about taking his SAT. What can I do to reassure him?
Sincerely,
Older Sibling
Dear Older Sibling,
Tell him that if all else fails, he can always go to a community college in Canada. I’ve heard that community colleges are considered to be very prestigious there.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
Dear Aunt Agony,
Hoe do I pas Eng. Ned hlp spling so yo cn hlp me?
Sincerely,
143noscull
Dear 143,
Well, try not to be near-illiterate. I helped you even though you had terrible spelling. Secondly, throw away your phone. Texting is making your generation dumber. I heard that you can also get cancer from the waves you phone sends out every time you send a text.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
Dear Aunt Agony,
How come they don’t make those ESPN Jock Jam CDs anymore! I wanted to party like a jock star!
Sincerely,
Sad Jock
Dear Sad,
Well, the nineties have ended. But don’t worry; you can still get funky with the upcoming CD of Canadian and American national anthems covered by dance group LMFAO. There’s even a bonus cover of ‘Party Rock Anthem‘ sung by Canadian national anthem singer Marc Donelly!
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony
With files by Livia Turnbull.
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