Because flavour is, like, so mainstream
By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor
Tired of offering the same establishmentarian fare at your post-poetry slam speakeasy-themed underground happenings? Look no further than this list of totally creative—but not trying super hard to be creative or anything—recipes for you and your acquaintances to nosh on while discussing the philosophy of man buns.
Kombucha and cold-brew soup
Ingredients: Organic kombucha, gluten-free cold-brew coffee, kosher salt
Combining flavours from two of your favourite organic drinks, this two-ingredient soup requires almost no prep time. Simply pour the kombucha and cold-brew into a sauce pan, heat it to boiling, and serve it in a mason jar with a little sprinkle of kosher salt.
Ingredients: Home-made kimchi fermented for two years in an antique Coke bottle in a hole in your garden, pickling ingredients, zucchini
Combining the best of at least three worlds, this dish will delight the senses like a good strong punch in the nose. Simply zoodle your zucchini and seal it in a tight mason jar with white vinegar, water, sugar, salt, kimchi, and an unsent love letter to your favourite underground band that no one’s heard of other than you. We suggest leaving this to pickle for at least three months. You might think to serve it in the mason jar, but that would be so pedestrian and obvious, obviously. Instead, we suggest serving it on a slab of wood cut from the tree that grew in the backyard of your childhood home.
Quinoa à la Craft (Beer)
Ingredients: Organic quinoa from Whole Foods, your favourite IPA, wild mushrooms (psychedelic or otherwise)
Best prepared over an open fire at a music festival, this fun dish is sure to fill you and your mid-twenties beer belly right up. Boil the quinoa in your craft IPA, carefully stirring in the mushrooms, until it smells a little like broken dreams and a lot like that art school you went to for one year before dropping out to pursue a career in vintage teacup peddling. We suggest serving this dish in all those vintage teacups you have yet to peddle.
Food truck hash
Ingredients: your favourite food truck dishes, from tacos to shawarma to whole-grain crèpes
Chop up all these gourmet foods gathered from all the hottest spots around the city and fry them up together with avocado oil in a cast-iron pan, all while complaining about the gentrification of your favourite Vancouver alleyways and hole-in-the-wall establishments. Serve on a bed of kale with a side of a Starbucks unicorn frappe. Perfect for Instagram!