Earns laughter, eternal respect from fellow students
By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor
A fourth-floor history class was given a new lease on life this past Monday when a brave and talented student risked his social standing to interrupt the lecture with a short joke.
“You have to understand, it was such a daring move,” said one witness, Dorothy McToto. “You know, people try that shit all the time—quipping from the side, trying to be the wry class clown or whatever. Usually you just look like an insufferable ass-hat who’s seen one too many John Hughes films. But this time… this time was different.”
The student in question, Callum L. Ikaseum, is said to have been a quiet, studious, and attentive classmate before this historic moment..
“By this point in the semester, we can usually figure out everyone’s niche in the class,” said another student, Name Name (pronounced “Naim Nah-mey”). “You know, you’ve got your Know-It-Alls, and you’ve got your Nappers. You’ve got that one person who’s always on their phone, and that other person who’s always on their phone but better at hiding it than the first person. Then you’ve got at least three or four wise-ass dipshits padding class time with unnecessary jokes and puns and quips that honestly aren’t even fucking funny, it’s just annoying, really. So it’s always super refreshing when someone actually lands a funny joke, and usually it’s more likely to grab a laugh if it’s not coming from one of the pre-established wise-ass dipshits. Callum was just quiet. No one was expecting this joke from him. That’s what made it so funny.”
According to many sources, the class enjoyed a hearty and healthy 4 minutes and 53 seconds of laughter before settling back in to the lecture material. This falls within the ideal laughter length, between three and five minutes, indicating Ikaseum’s admirable prowess in the art of classroom jokes.
“We’ve taken a vote, and it’s official—Callum’s earned our eternal respect and devotion for his incredible jokemastery,” said McToto. “It’s what every class clown and prankster is shooting for, but it’s rarely the career jokesters who achieve it. It’s a very exciting occasion for us. In fact, it hasn’t happened since 2011! It’s something to be proud of for sure.”
For all the talk of this joke and its incredible powers to inspire laughter and joy in those who hear it, no one can quite seem to remember it.
“I just remember it being really funny,” said Name. “I think that’s the important bit at the end, right? Not what the joke actually was, but whether people laughed. And I laughed, so it must have been funny and worthwhile. Right?”