Man smokes catnip because BC bud ‘just isn’t pure anymore’

Image via GoldenTwist.net

Image via GoldenTwist.net

Creative liberties taken with plant meant for cats

By Jillian McMullen, Staff Writer

 

A local man, known only as “Mikey,” has recently taken up smoking catnip as a replacement for marijuana. He claims that the drug’s quality in this province, which is internationally revered, has suffered in recent years due to the increased number of dispensaries in the city. The Other Press caught up with Mikey on his way to his favourite shop, Petopia, to ask him about his experiences with the substance usually reserved for felines.

Mikey described his first experience smoking catnip with a stranger at a party.

“We were smoking this weird looking J, so I asked him what the hell it was. When he told me it was catnip I was so weirded out cause that stuff is for animals,” he explained. “But, then I realized… I’m sort of an animal, too.”

He went on to explain that dispensaries were creating a “bougie” weed market that he “just couldn’t support anymore.”

“You walk in and it’s this manicured bullshit. They’re trying to sell you strains with ‘notes of lavender and lemon zest.’ Like, I just want to smoke something—anything.”

Catnip smokers, who typically refer to the substance as “mint,” list affordability and accessibility as its main—and only—benefits. “You can walk into any shop and walk out with 28 grams for five bucks. Well, not any shop. Any pet shop,” Mikey clarified. “I don’t know where you can get 28 grams of anything else for that cheap.”

When asked what the catnip high was like, Mikey explained it’s very similar to what most would expect. “Mostly rolling around on the ground… you know… purring, meowing.”

The Other Press spoke with employees of Mikey’s preferred pet shop. Missy Lebourdieu, who has worked for the company for over 16 weeks, began noticing Mikey’s increasing patronage about three months ago.

“Yeah, we’ve got a few guys who come in here and just go straight for the cat aisle,” she said. “We’ve taken to calling them the ‘nippers.’ Mikey’s our third best customer.”

When asked if she feared legal repercussions for selling catnip to customers knowing how it will be abused, Lebourdieu sighed. “To be honest, for ten cents above minimum wage, I can’t really commit to anything but standing behind this till,” she said from behind the till.

Mickey is organizing a meet-up for fellow nippers, planned for February 29 in Trout Lake Park.

 

DISCLAIMER: The Other Press does not suggest that anyone should, under any circumstances, attempt to smoke catnip. This is clearly labelled a Humour article, in the Humour section, and even if it wasn’t, come on, seriously, you should just know better than that. We really shouldn’t have to include this disclaimer, but obviously—and unfortunately—we do.

 

The Other Press

The Other Press, Douglas College's student newspaper since 1976. Articles, insight and updates from the New West and Coquitlam campuses.

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