Reports state that plagiarism was ‘touched on’ in speech writing class
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
Light has finally been shed on the mechanics that led to Melania Trump’s Republican National Convention speech mimicking that of Michelle Obama’s in 2008. After weeks of deny, deny, deny, a reporter has uncovered how exactly such an obviously plagiarized speech was formed.
In a hidden microphone interview, an unidentified speechwriter on the Trump campaign admitted to an undercover reporter (who must remain nameless) exactly why the aspiring first lady’s speech was so obviously copied.
“That was simply how I learned speeches were written,” the speechwriter said. “Back in my time at Trump University we were told that it was simply easier to use things that were already written. We also were told that people are dumb, and they like to hear words and sentences that they are familiar with, rather than new—and therefore scary—ideas.”
He also said that he graduated with a masters in speechwriting after only two years and a few hundred thousand dollars, and was instantly recruited onto the Trump campaign team.
“It was kind of weird actually,” the speechwriter said. “It was like my entire time in school was grooming me to work for Trump. I wanted to be an engineer, but all that the school offered was speechwriting and business classes. We touched on plagiarism a little bit in class—I remember something about how it’s okay as long as you don’t get caught? And then even that’s okay as long as you don’t admit that you got caught. It was all very weird.”
While he admits that the speeches were similar in overall structure, sentences, and words, he was adamant that what was written was not at all copied from Michelle Obama’s speech.
“Listen, okay, it’s not like we just copy and pasted Michelle’s speech word for word or anything, alright? There were a lot of different words in there. A few ‘and’s here and there, a few ‘um’s. It’s a completely different speech.”
News outlets have recently been having a field day with the story, though no word has yet been heard from Donald Trump’s campaign on the matter. Many Republican senators are scrambling, denying the very idea that anything was copied, and coming up with more and more outrageous explanations for the definition of plagiarism.
NEWS UPDATE: We have confirmation that Donald Trump has come out with a statement on Twitter regarding his wife’s speech earlier today: “Melania’s beautiful speech may, or may not, have been a copy of Michelle’s, but who cares lol, I’m still gonna be president. LOSERS.”