Pizza delivery to receive official sirens

Illustration by Ed Appleby

Illustration by Ed Appleby

New law in the works to speed up the ‘zas

By Chandler Walter, Distribution Manager

An exciting new law is in the works as of this week, one that many agree has been a long time coming.

BC’s provincial courts have passed a bill legitimizing the need for quick pizza delivery to the same level as that of fire-response, ambulances, and police vehicles.

“Emergency Response Pizza Vehicles,” or ERPVs, will soon be outfitted with sirens and lights similar to those that we see on police cruisers. We talked to Papp A. Johnson, a local police officer.

“Yeah I’m a big supporter of this new law. It’s gonna be great to see those kids out there, lights flashing, getting that pizza where it needs to be. Plus, driving with sirens? Hella wicked. Don’t gotta stop for no one.”

The pizza sirens will be of a different pitch than what we are used to, making a low “MREEEEEHH!!-MREEEHH!!!” noise as they notify daily commuters to slow down and move over.

“I’m all for it,” says daily driver and mother of three, Cheryn Burgs. “I get stressed out enough being stuck in traffic for a few hours a day, I can only imagine the suffering those poor delivery drivers go through. They truly are heroes to us all, and I know everyone in the community is in agreement that this law should pass.”

Along with traffic-halting sirens, pizza delivery vehicles will also have the option of outfitting 1.21 gigawatt searchlights on the tops of their vehicles. Though the light would be bright enough to momentarily blind oncoming traffic, finding house addresses is a crucial part of the delivery person’s duty.

We were lucky enough to talk to an off-duty Pizza Delivery Boy, Chaunce Waller, and ask him a few questions regarding his line of work.

“First off, kid, a PDB is never off-duty, this work is never over. And B, it’s about damn time we got some recognition from the government. We’re doing God’s work out here. This is the fifth-most dangerous career in America, according to a tweet I read on the Internet. In fact I almost hit some lady the other day, she could have gone right through the windshield, I might’ve been severely bruised! Maybe even emotionally traumatized, from all the manslaughter and whatever. But the people … the people of this town need to be fed, and their pizzas … Need to be somewhat warm. I do the best I can, I really do. You’re welcome. God bless.”

We managed to secure a quick signature from Waller right before he performed a hood slide and climbed through the window of what appeared to be a 1997 Ford Escort.

Off to answer a call to greatness, it seemed.

After a while it was evident that Waller actively lived in that Ford Escort, as a great man puts his duty, career, and customers before himself.

Truly an inspiration.

The Other Press

The Other Press, Douglas College's student newspaper since 1976. Articles, insight and updates from the New West and Coquitlam campuses.

More Posts - Website

1,497 comments on “Pizza delivery to receive official sirens
  1. Hi! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you
    knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form?
    I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty
    finding one? Thanks a lot!

  2. The Regional Search Organization recently held its 2016
    Annual Conference, LSA16, and Wesley Young shares 10 understandings
    from professionals and SMBs that will certainly impact your advertising technique.

  3. I used to be suggested this website by my cousin. I am
    not certain whether or not this publish is written by way of him as no one else understand such distinct approximately my problem.
    You are wonderful! Thanks!

  4. No matter if some one searches for his essential thing,
    thus he/she wishes to be available that in detail, so that thing is maintained over here.

  5. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and
    was wondering what all is needed to get setup? I’m assuming having
    a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very
    web savvy so I’m not 100% certain. Any suggestions or advice would
    be greatly appreciated. Thanks

  6. you’re really a excellent webmaster. The site loading pace is amazing.
    It kind of feels that you are doing any distinctive
    trick. Moreover, The contents are masterpiece.
    you’ve done a fantastic process on this subject!

  7. I’m really loving the theme/design of your weblog. Do you
    ever run into any browser compatibility issues? A couple of my blog visitors have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer
    but looks great in Firefox. Do you have
    any tips to help fix this issue?

  8. Hi there would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using?
    I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a hard time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different
    then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

  9. My brother suggested I might like this blog. He was entirely right.
    This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  10. I every time used to read paragraph in news papers but now
    as I am a user of web so from now I am using net for
    articles or reviews, thanks to web.

  11. Now boasting 21 employees, Murphy claimed, “we created jobs where there were no jobs,” and made the point that, “no government can create a job. We decided no one could top that one, grandpa was getting older and could no longer spend the time wrapping,so a time honored tradition ended. Once you have all the corner ‘legs’ attached, ask a helper to assist you in positioning your A frame skeleton onto your foundation.

  12. Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular post!
    It’s the little changes which will make the largest changes.

    Thanks for sharing!

  13. Hi there, of course this piece of writing is in fact good and I have
    learned lot of things from it regarding blogging.

  14. Howdy would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re working with?
    I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different internet browsers
    and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most.

    Can you suggest a good hosting provider at a reasonable price?
    Kudos, I appreciate it!

  15. Hello, i believe that i noticed you visited my website thus i got here to return the choose?.I’m trying to find issues to enhance my site!I suppose its good enough
    to make use of a few of your concepts!!

  16. While sump pumps are water management systems, septic
    systems are a lot better outfitted to take care of
    water, solid waste, and also solid things that are flushed down water pipes.

  17. You need to likewise take care not to grow your trees and also bushes as well close to
    your pipes or sewage-disposal tank.

  18. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article.
    I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post.
    I’ll definitely comeback.

  19. It could be the loss of life of someone near to somebody you know, such as
    a friend or co-worker. Each time you inhale, this expands, with the assist of the universe’s
    all-natural protecting energies.

  20. It will certainly not allow the repair-as-is” alternative, it will not sanction the common gravity-fed septic system, nor is it ready for new, lower price remedies such as the recirculating gravel filter, or shallow pressure-dosed drainfields.

  21. I really did not go down weight however I felt stronger, a lot more
    toned, and also on the whole simply delighted with my body.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.