Douglas College proven to have the best student newspaper after winning 36 trophies
By Greg Waldock, Best Staff Writer
The Other Press is celebrating a journalistic victory this week after being awarded the Other Press’ “Best Douglas College Newspaper” trophy for being the best Douglas College newspaper. The event was hosted, covered, and attended exclusively by the Other Press, though neighbouring university and college papers were invited, as a show of supremacy. UBC’s Ubyssey, SFU’s The Peak, and Kwantlen’s The Runner were all nominated for awards but were immediately disqualified and brutally mocked.
The Other Press Editor-in-Chief Chandler Walter gave himself three awards: “Best Editor-in-Chief,” “Greatest Editor-in-Chief,” and “Most Talented Editor-in-Cheif,” the last one being a typo on the trophy that simply slipped through the cracks. This reporter won the “Best Staff Writer Whose Name Starts with G” and “Most Consistently Late Articles” awards, and they are currently sitting in my trophy case at home with spotlights on full display.
The trophies themselves are made of solid gold and depict a figure admiring their own reflection in a mirror. Thirty-six trophies in all were made at the full expense of the school, which brought the cost of the whole event to a few hundred thousand dollars, happily paid for by Douglas College students (expect to see it reflected in a minor tuition hike next semester). It was all worth it for the morale boost and the opportunity for members of the paper to act out aristocratic fantasies by throwing whale shark caviar at each other, which probably added a good two hundred bucks to each student’s tuition.
The night was wrapped up with a series of mock awards like “Worst Capilano Newspaper” and “Worst Paper Based on a Mountaintop,” all sent to a variety of our student newspaper rivals across the province, along with extremely nasty letters and photos of the Other Press crew flipping the bird at their campuses. By this point we were all pretty wasted on expensive champagne, so we all tried to award each other the “Worst Co-worker” trophy before getting into a fight on the SkyTrain. The Other Press would like to thank the students and staff of Douglas College for the opportunity to throw such a lavish and decadent celebration of our own greatness, even if we didn’t ask first and just kind of took the money. We are also legally obligated to apologize to the many restaurants we visited and multiple police departments that were called. We look forward to an even more successful awards ceremony next year.
Assistant Editor’s note: Shortly after the writing of this article, Greg Waldock’s awards were revoked by Assistant Editor Rebecca Peterson, who was extremely miffed and offended that their name did not wind up in this story (though, on reflection, they reluctantly relinquished the “Late Articles” award back to him).