Bank left with millions in Monopoly money
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
The FBI is on an all-out manhunt after two Canadians walked out of an American bank with millions in free cash.
The suspects, known only to be one man and one woman, tricked the teller at a Bank of America in Seattle into exchanging a briefcase full of $500 bills in cold, hard, Monopoly cash.
“It was my first day on the job, okay!” said bank teller Mark Wells. “I’ve never even been to Canada! Every one always says, you know, that their money looks like monopoly money. I just took people for their word on that!”
Wells is unsure if he still has a job at the Bank of America, but is sure that if so, he will not make the same mistake twice.
“How could I have been so stupid!” he continued. “I did some research, turns out Canadian money is even sillier than Monopoly money. It’s plastic, for Christ sake! Honestly, I just never thought a Canadian would be rude enough to steal money like this. I mean this wasn’t very polite at all.”
This is the first time in 10 years that a Monopoly exchange heist has been pulled, the last being the infamous “Bank of Montréopoly” scandal, in which the bank teller himself was behind the corruption.
“It was just so easy,” said ex-teller and current convict Guy Sligh. “When the Americans came up on our end o’ the border, I’d just switch ’em for some Monopoly money and a smile, and pocket their American.”
Sligh reportedly stole thousands in American cash before he was caught, an eventual end that took longer than one might have thought.
“Honestly, I’m amazed for how long I was running that gag. Turns out most of the stores that these Americans were using that money at were too polite to turn them down. So really I wasn’t stealing from anybody but McDonald’s.”
There has always been a misunderstanding of how the exchange between American and Canadian currencies works, and it has become even more confusing with the appearance of a new coin in America.
It is gold, slightly bigger than a quarter, and features a strange elderly woman on one side, and a duck looking thing on the other.
These coins are known in Canada as “Loonies,” though they have quickly been harnessed by Americans as their new half-dollar.