Angry student complains about the existential hellish period between holidays

‘When am I supposed to relax?’

By Cazzy Lewchuk, Staff Writer

Second-year Douglas College student Jordan Stewwart was recently outraged upon looking at the calendar and realizing there were almost three weeks between the holidays in October.

“I can’t believe it. I spend all three days of Thanksgiving getting drunk, eating a lot of sugary and fatty food, and screwing around with friends. Then I look at my schedule and I realize I won’t have an excuse to do that again until Halloween! That’s a whole three weeks of class time away! How am I supposed to last for less than a month of normal academic instruction until then?”

Stewwart’s attempts to coast through the non-holiday season were only further destroyed when he remembered his upcoming midterms were only four days apart. “I’ve got a Psych 1200 midterm this Monday, and then a Canadian Literature one on Friday,” Stewwart complained to the Other Press in an online interview via Facebook.

Asked if he had anything to look forward to between then and Halloween, he said “Well, on Saturday I’m going to a party. I’m going to eat a lot of pizza and doughnuts and get really drunk, but it won’t be, you know, spooky like on Halloween! Do you know I have to work three shifts this week? How am I supposed to handle eight hours of class and 12 hours of retail work in one week? When do we have time to be kids?” Incidentally, Stewwart recently celebrated his 24th birthday.

Stewwart was equally upset looking at the calendar going forward, after realizing the next holiday wouldn’t occur until a week and a half into November. “That’s six full days of school! I’m going to have to attend class for at least four of those! Cut a guy a break, huh? How long until the semester is over?” Reading the calendar further, his complaining grew to levels that were only moderately annoying. “December 4? That’s a whole month! I don’t even want to think about how many weeks that is!”

At press time, Stewwart was spotted in a bar complaining to anyone willing to listen. His bitterness at having to work a reasonable amount is matched only by students who have much more to do than him. Specifically, three midterms, an essay, four shifts at Starbucks, and three articles due for the college newspaper.