Explicit political truths revealed
By Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
This ad was created and paid for by the Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and in no way represents the beliefs of this newspaper.
What is important to you, average Canadian voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it and wants it destroyed.
Do you care about the well-being of wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe wants to tax them into the ground.
Perhaps you worry about the safety of our beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all, he’s anti-safety.
Maybe you hope for the financial security of a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as he is quoted saying “… and the budget will balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! It’s insane to think that a political leader would come to such a conclusion without discussing any prior information regarding the budget; it’s as if he doesn’t even care!
We, the Sarcastative Political Party of Canada, know that each voter is a valued and intelligent individual. In fact, we won’t even bother to explain our political agenda in these advertisements, because we know you are all informed on the larger issues. Nor will we discuss the political stance of the other party, because that’s a lot of boring stuff that probably won’t get you as emotional and angry as other, simpler things.
Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just an animal? I wouldn’t want him running our country.
Just ask a few of these well-informed, culturally diverse citizens:
“I’m not saying never, just not right now.” – a middle-aged woman/mother
“He’s just not ready” – a wise-looking, elderly white man
“Who’s he kidding?” – a wise-looking, elderly black man
Wow. Sure looks like everybody hates this Jason Trudoe guy. You sure wouldn’t want to be the one person in the neighbourhood who votes for him; everyone else would probably think you’re a weed-using hippie that hates freedom.
You don’t hate freedom, do you?
Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada, because personal aspects of the other party’s leader are somewhat controversial.
I mean, just look at that hair. Have you seen his hair? No, seriously, your political decisions—ones that will determine the fate of this country—should rest on a man’s haircut.
Or so we like to think.