TIFU by posting in the wrong places

‘Dungeon Master seeking new play group’

By Davie Wong, Sports Editor

So, today I messed up. Or to be specific, I messed up a couple of days ago, but I just figured out how today. A few days ago, I made a post on the public forum of Reddit: That I, a Dungeon Master, was seeking a roleplaying group. As it was my first time posting, I had no idea where to start. But a Google search directed me to the subreddit “Dungeon Masters Vancouver,” where several other people made similar posts.

My post reads as follows: “Hi everyone! I’m a recently displaced Dungeon Master in search of a roleplaying group. I’m an easy-going guy with years of experience under my belt. There’s really nothing I can’t handle. I can’t wait to roll the dice on this opportunity.” Looking back on it now, it was probably misleading.

But it worked. Or, at least, I though it did.

A couple of days later, I was contacted by a MissRolePlay, who told me that her group was looking for a new Dungeon Master. I guess the first red flag was when I asked what happened to their old Dungeon Master, her reply was that he was “a tad tied up at the moment.” The second red flag was that they played in a warehouse, but that didn’t clue in until later.

So, naïve as I am, I agreed to meet with MissRolePlay and her group of friends. I gathered my books, maps, dice, and character models and prepared to delve in the riches of roleplay with a brand-new group. When I arrived at the “Playhouse” as they had so aptly named it, I saw my third red flag. I was greeted by a man in a suit who ushered me into the warehouse. Dragging my gear along with me, I stepped into what was to be my new weekly getaway. The first thing that hit me was the smell. It can only be described as an unbearable smell of sweat and something else I still can’t quite put my finger on.

Shortly after, I met MissRolePlay. She wore a very flattering black spandex outfit that left very little to the imagination, but hey, who am I to question other people’s roleplay attire? We exchanged pleasantries as one would before she asked me if I had brought my own toys, pointing to the box. Not one to reveal my hand before the climax, I told her that I would show them everything after I met the whole group.

I walked into what I thought was going to be our play area. Their table was a bit odd, having some sort of restraining mechanism in the corners. “Must be one of those European tables,” I thought to myself. Shortly after, I was left on my own as MissRolePlay left to gather the rest of her friends. I set up my dice and my table as I usually do. When MissRolePlay came back, I was quite surprised that she had her friends restrained in a line behind her—and I do quite literally mean restrained. As surprised as I was, she too was shocked to see my set-up of books and dice.

Fearing for my life, I quickly made myself scarce, shoveling my dice and books back into my bag and heading for the door. After all, if she ties her friends up, I don’t want to find out what she does to acquaintances. So the lesson to learn here, friends, is to read between the lines; sometimes role players just want to tie you up!