Heisenberg’s bad break
By Adam Tatelman, Staff Writer
After evading the Drug Enforcement Administration for more than a year, the mystery drug kingpin known only as Heisenberg was revealed to be Walter White, a terminally-ill New Mexico high-school chemistry teacher.
White was finally apprehended during a massive drug exchange with rival drug lord Wilson Fisk, a.k.a. the Kingpin, in Hell’s Kitchen, New York.
Witnesses claim that White and his accomplice, Jesse Pinkman, were savagely beaten by the vigilante known as Daredevil.
White and Pinkman were incarcerated at Ryker’s Island. Local attorney Matthew Murdock was to lead the prosecution. White contacted Saul Goodman, his New Mexico lawyer, to defend Pinkman and himself.
Within 24 hours of these announcements, Goodman arrived in New York on his personal helicopter, and the prison became a media hotspot.
“My clients have been treated atrociously by the so-called justice system of New York,” said Goodman to Fox News reporters, “and I intend to see that their rights are respected from now on. Just because he lives a double life as an underground meth dealer does not justify vigilante actions against Mr. White, or make them at all constitutional.”
When pressed for a statement, Murdock expressed his sympathies toward White: “I know what it’s like to be dealt a bad hand in life,” said Murdock, indicating his white cane. “And I can respect Mr. White for trying to make the best of a bad situation. But I can’t say I approve of his methods.”
Goodman then approached Murdock, with their exchange being captured by the Fox 5 news chopper. “Isn’t it convenient,” said Goodman, “that any time Daredevil beats someone to a bloody pulp, you’re always there to prosecute the victim? What kind of rinky-dink scam are you running over at Nelson and Murdock? Are you ambulance-chasers in cahoots with Daredevil?”
“Honestly,” replied Murdock with a wry grin, “I’ve never seen him. But I can see, Mr. Goodman, that your no-account, strip-mall legal practice has made a history out of defending convicted felons. You’re a shark, and it will be my pleasure to take you apart in a court of law.”
“We’ll see what the jury has to say,” said Goodman, storming back to his helicopter. “Nobody’s going to convict a dying man who sells meth to pay for his kids’ college fund! We’ve got the greatest sob story in legal history! You’ll see, Murdock. When I win this case, your partner is gonna beg to work for me!”
Unfortunately, the trial was cancelled, due to the mysterious deaths of White and Pinkman inside their cells at Ryker’s. When asked if Fisk was somehow involved, the warden declined to comment.