A chocolate chip cookie recipe you can finally enjoy
By Klara Woldenga, Humour Editor
When I was young, my mother would always bake delicious chocolate chip cookies. She never gave me any, but I’m not bitter—it’s fine that she didn’t love me enough to share.
I mean, come on. I know they were always for her church, but giving me one wouldn’t have messed up the bake sale; I’m 80 per cent sure God doesn’t keep track of the number of cookies you sell. Once my mother tried to keep her cookies from me by putting them in a safe she owned—a bit extreme, but after all those times I ate every single one before she could sell them, I guess I see why she went to that length. It was just too bad for her that she also owned a sledgehammer; those were a rough couple of days.
If you want to bake the cookies my mother selfishly tried to keep from me all these years, you’re in luck, because I was finally able to rip the recipe from her cold, dead hands.
Mom’s Secret Chocolate Chip Cookies:
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup white sugar
1 cup packed, brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp hot water
½ tsp salt
(2 tsp of hot water and ½ tsp of salt can be combined into one by using tears shed due to the lack of love you received as a child.)
2 cups chocolate chips
If you want to make your mother roll in her grave, add a cup of chopped walnuts.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees—the same number of cookies I ate the night before my mother biggest bake sale. I was sent to the ER, but it was worth it just so see the horrified look on her face from my hospital bed.
“You’re going to hell,” she told me, but I was already there—hell is a place where you aren’t offered baked goods from the people you love.
Mix together butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth.
Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla.
Dissolve the baking soda in the hot water.
Add the batter along with the salt.
Stir in flour, chocolate chips, and nuts.
Drop in large spoonfuls onto non-greased pans as shallow as my late mother’s heart.
Bake for about 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until edges are browned.
Eat them triumphantly, and without shame, in my mother’s now empty home.